That time Ron Wilkerson kidnapped us

It was a dark and stormy night...  I'm not getting film noir on you, it really was a dark and stormy night, in Austin, Texas in 1987.  I was working for the American Freestyle Association with Bob Morales.  We had just flown in, the AFA crew for the AFA Masters BMX freestyle contest starting the next day. Bob got the the rental mini-van for the weekend, the sun had set, there was a Texas-sized thunderstorm all coming down all around us.  Bob Morales, founder of the AFA and all around BMX freestyle entrepreneur, was driving the minivan, his girlfriend at the time, Suzy Q, was sitting shotgun, and his sister Riki and me, both AFA staffers, were in the second row of seats.

Bob pulled up under the porte cochere, the little roof by the hotel entrance.  He told us to stay put, and he walked inside to check-in and get our room keys.  Then, out of nowhere, the driver's door opened again.  Ron Wilkerson appeared out of the storm, completely dry, and in jeans and a T-shirt, and slipped into the driver's seat.  "Hey guys," he said, as he put his seat belt on.  The three of us said, "Hi."  We all knew Ron, veteran Haro pro freestyler, and master of both high airs, vert lip tricks, and flatland.  Since we all worked the sign-in table at contests, and saw him at least every month or so, we knew Ron well.

Bob had left the van running, and Ron Wilkerson put it in gear and drove out into the storm.
"Ron, what are you doing?" Suzy Q asked, anxious to get into the room after a day at her real job, and then the flight to Austin, and also knowing how big of a practical joker Ron was.  As the hard Texas rain pelted the windows, and lightning flashed now and then, Ron gunned it down the two lane road.  The hotel was right next to a freeway, and on a little road by the off ramp.  Like many of those roads, it didn't go all that far, and there were several large businesses, closed by that hour, off to the right.  Ron hit about 60 in the rain, and Suzy Q got more agitated, telling Ron to take us back. Riki and me, in the the back, started laughing, it was just weird how Ron popped out of nowhere and hopped in and started driving.

Suzy started yelling at Ron to slow down, and he suddenly stomped on the brakes, nearly sliding to a stop, then turned right into the driveway of a large business.  There was a guard shack, with the light on inside, on the left, by the big warehouse building.  Ron drove in a circle, as if he was going to go back, but kept turning, and then headed straight towards the guard shack.  Suzy Q started yelling, she wanted no part of Ron's shenanigans.  Riki and I were both laughing out loud at this point, partly at the fact the Suzy was freaking out, and partly because Ron was so non-chalant about the whole thing.  Ron Wilkerson said nothing.

As Suzy told him not to, Ron pulled slowly up to the guard shack, next to his window.  There was no arm that blocked it, and the driveway continued a bit more, then seemed to go into a big parking area, which had another big building on the other side of it.  We could all see an old security guard inside that didn't look too happy.  Ron pulled right up to the open guard shack door, as the guard walk into sight.  Then Ron stomped on the accelerator and sped past the guard, gaining speed as we headed along side of the first building, and into the big, empty parking lot.  He got the van up to about 50 mph in the rain soaked parking lot.

Suzy Q completely lost it, and started screaming at Ron to take us back to the hotel.  That, of course, just made the whole surreal experience even funnier to Riki and me, and we were laughing our asses off.  That made Suzy Q even more mad.

Ron stomped on the brakes, skidded the minivan to a near stop, and then managed to get the back tires to break loose a little bit, and did a couple of donuts.  As we spun around, we could see the silhouette of the guard, leaning out the window of the guard shack, shaking his fist at us.  After two or three pretty good donuts, considering he was driving a minivan, Ron turned back towards the exit, and the very upset guard.  Riki and I were crying we were laughing so hard, as Suzy Q screamed at Ron.  He gunned the van, hitting 40 or 50 mph again, in the storming rain, towards the guard shack.  About 50 yards early, he stomped on the brakes, throwing us forward and slowing to an agonizing crawl.  The tension rose exponentially as he drove super slow towards the guard shack, where the pissed off old guard was now leaning out the doorway, and which was now on Suzy Q's side.

"No, no Ron, noooooo, DON'T!" Suzy Q screamed as Ron pulled up to the angry guard, stopped, then rolled down Suzy's window with the master switch.  The guard looked in right in front of Suzy Q, and started to say something like, "What the Hell are you..."  Ron cut him off with a smiling face asking some completely random question, something like "Do you know where there's a good steak place around here?"  The guard had that befuddled look, like the bad guy who just got unmasked at the end of a Scooby-Doo episode.  He looked at us crazy kids blankly for a moment, as Suzy Q went silent, nearly face to face with him.  Riki, one of the funniest women I've ever met, was on the verge of peeing herself, she was laughing so hard.  My stomach already hurt from laughing.

Unexpectedly, Ron gunned it, and we sped off from the confused guard, and Suzy Q rolled up her window, as the pelting rain pounded into the minivan.  Ron, again, hit about 60 mph on the little road, as the storm raged on, then hit the brakes hard, and pulled slowly under the porte cochere, right where the van had been parked.  Suzy Q was so livid, she just glared at him, her face all red.  Riki and I were laughing so hard we just made weird little breathing noises, we could barely breathe at all.

Ron Wilkerson put the minivan in park, unbuckled his seat belt, opened the driver's side door, got out, turned to look in and said, "See you guys tomorrow," and shut the door.  Then he disappeared into the the thunderstorm just the way he had suddenly appeared.

Not 30 seconds later, Bob Morales opened the door, room keys in hand.  Suzy was still glaring, and Riki and I were holding our stomachs, barely able to breathe.  Bob got this really puzzled look on his face.  He hadn't seen Ron, he'd only been inside a few minutes, and now, suddenly, Suzy Q looked like she was ready to kill somebody.  It just got silent.  Nobody had any idea how to explain it.  Bob put the minivan in gear, and drove across the parking lot, to where our rooms were.  I don't think any of us ever told him what happened.

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