Taxi driver tip: How to clean up puke in your car

South Park pukes, because they're funny.  Having people puke in your car sucks, especially if they are family, and you can't leave them behind when they throw up on a trip.  Here's my tips on cleaning up puke in your car or truck.

I spent a total of  6 1/2 years driving a taxi, between 1999 and 2012.  Most of that time, I made my primary money at night, driving thousands of drunk people home.  During that time I had to clean up puke more times than I can count.  Unfortunately, I got pretty good at it.  It's the holiday season, and half the free world seems to have Covid, so people will be traveling, some are sick already, and some will get sick in cars.  Here are my tips for dealing with that, learned in my years as a taxi driver.

Tip Number One- When someone says they're going to be sick, SCREAM "Open the door, open the door, open the door!"  They should have their seat belts on, so chances are low they'll actually fall out.  If they're puking, and they fall out, it's probably best to leave them behind, anyhow.  Seriously though, it's MUCH easier to clean up vomit in a vehicle if they puke out the door.  Usually most of it goes outside, and maybe across the back fender.  No problem, that's easy to clean.  What does get inside the car is usually by the edges of the seat, door frame, and on the lower, inside part of the door.  Those spots are much easier to clean than many other areas.  

Obviously, stop the car and pull over when someone is sick.  But if they're gonna blow chunks immediately, opening the door helps most of it land outside, on the road, not in the car.  Don't tell your 3-year-old to open the door, but from maybe ages11-12and up, if they have a seat belt on, things should be fine.  Use your discretion.

Most people instinctively tell sick passengers to throw up out the window.  This is one of the worst options.  First, it takes a bit to roll a window down, which means they usually throw up down the inside of the door, AND on the edge of the window.  This almost always leads to vomit going down the edges of the window, into the inside of the door.  This begins to smell real funky in a day or two, and keeps smelling for days, maybe weeks.  So in the case of an immediate puke, tell them to open the door and throw up, as you slow down and pull over.  

Tip Number Two:  Get the person out of the car, once you stop safely, and let them finish puking outside, if possible.  

Tip Number Three: Basic clean up.  When possible, pull into an open area of a parking lot, whee you can open the door, or doors, to clean up the vehicle.  Use an old drink cup from a restaurant, or something similar, to scoop up as much of the puke as your can, and throw it out.  Then poor some water on all the areas where they got sick, and wipe up everything else you can with paper towels. You don't need much water, just enough to loosen things up from the floor mat, seat, carpet, whatever. Then take a spray cleaner, like 409, Simple Green, that orange cleaner stuff, or something like that, and spray the puked on areas, and clean them up the best you can.  There should be no visible vomit left, and most of the smell should be gone.

Tip Number Four- the ancient Taxi Driver Secret: Get a large bottle of hydrogen peroxide, and pour some on the entire puked on area.  Use more paper towels to wipe it down, if necessary.  Then pour peroxide in any cracks, seams, or on hardware like the seat brackets under the seats, door latches, the widow, anything that MIGHT have been hit by vomit.  Use the peroxide liberally. Let it sit a couple of minutes, then wipe up the damp peroxide.

After the clean up, and when the sick person feels ready to travel, you should be good to go.  Peroxide works magic, getting into nooks and crannies, door latches, the widow edge, seat brackets, and other hard to get to places.  It kills the bacteria, which kills the smell that usually lingers for a week or more.  If there's puke outside on the car, you can pour some water on it, to wash it off, or go to a self-serve car wash, and pay to spray down the outside of the car, and clean it off.

The Kit- This basic kit great for long drives or road trips.  Most of you probably don't have all the cleaning items I just mentioned in your car right now.  I didn't at first as a taxi driver, either.   Then I learned, the hard way, and built my puke (and other mess), clean-up kit.  Ideally, get a rectangle plastic tub, about the size you would use to soak your feet, and maybe 4-7 inches deep.  In that plastic container, put a roll of paper towels, a bottle of spray cleaner, a medium size bottle of water, an empty plastic drink cup, and a large bottle of hydrogen peroxide.  Then put the container in your trunk, or the back of your SUV, when going on long trips.  If you leave this kit in your car, all the time, it's a good place to put a first aid kit, as well. 

If someone is feeling sick, and might throw up, empty the tub, and set it on their lap, and drive until they either get sick, or are feeling better.  If they throw up, it's in the tub, which is easy to clean.  

So those are my clean-up tips, which may help you with more holiday travel, and New Year's Eve coming up.  Happy Holidays everyone.  Oh, and drinking a bunch of water at night, when drunk, before you go to sleep, usually tones down the hangover, as well.  You're welcome.